The Post Office and I Aren't Getting Along Too Well.
I find myself becoming more and more annoyed by the bi-weekly crap festival that our U.S. Postal Workers insist on cramming into my mailbox. You know what I'm talking about...the endless cheesy circulars, ads, pamphlets and coupons.
I got back from being out of town for two weeks after the holidays, and discovered a single note in my mailbox, telling me that there had been too much mail to fit in the box, and I would have to go to the Post Office to pick it up. Oh boy...my favorite place. I stood there in line, with twenty other people, wondering why there were 6 windows but only one actually open. Finally my turn arrived.
When they brought my mail, imagine my delight when I saw that fully 80% of my mail, you know, the mail that wouldn't fit in my box, was crap that had been shoved into it by our own faithful Postal employess. I had a brilliant plan.
The conversation went something like this:
Me: "I'd like to have my name removed from the junk mail list."
P.O.: (Stares blankly)..."What?"
Me: "I don't want any more junk mail. How do I get myself removed from the list?
P.O.: "You can't. There's no list."
Me: (A little annoyed) "Ok, what can I do to have this stuff not put in my mailbox anymore?"
P.O.: (Thinks for a minute) Well.....you could put a post-it note on the outside of your mailbox."
I seem to recall staring at the man for a moment or two, waiting for a punchline that never came. No, he was serious.
I later had a wonderful plan of saving up a few weeks worth of the offending mess, and then shoving it all back into a mailbox at the Post Office, but realized this was probably a felony. It's ironic that they can do it to us, but we can't do it back without going to jail.
And what's up with the dyslexic mail carriers? Yes, there is a difference between apartment "F" and apartment "G". Really. And apparently, there's an uncanny resemblance between "Eric Gooch" and "Fo Shee Quang".