I’ve got this great idea for a new TV series. It combines America’s current infatuation with “Reality TV”, and something we all despise…Spam. No, not the canned meat, the spam in your email.
Here’s how it works: There are 3 “Teams”. The first team is the hackers. Computer geniuses that can trace any source of any message that hits the internet. The hackers will of course be played by exotic looking blonde bimbos, because that apparently sells well. (And nobody wants to watch real hackers, because they’re just guys sitting at a computer.)
Team 2 is the surveillance team. They’ll be driving around in a suspicious looking van trying not to look suspicious, wiretapping and spying on the spammers that have been identified by the pouting, sultry hackers. I know that wiretapping is illegal, but hey, if it’s good enough for the president, it should be good enough for TV, right? The surveillance crew will be doing the usual cliché stakeout things, like eating donuts and coffee, and not shaving, and listening to their iPods to show how hip they are.
After team 2 has made a careful, positive I.D. on the spammers and has verified them in the act of said spamming, it’s time to send in team 3…and now the fun starts.
Team 3 is a collection of football linebackers, bouncers, and disgruntled motorcycle gang members armed with baseball bats and sledgehammers. They kick in the door of the surprised spammer and proceed to beat them to within an inch of their lives. (They don’t actually kill them, that would be wrong.)
Then they smash up all the computers, just for good measure.
The best part? We get to watch this happen to another spammer each week!! Talk about high ratings.
I hereby proclaim this as my idea, and if you make this series (FOX, I’m talkin’ to you) I expect royalties and first film rights.
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